Sex and the City 2

photo The saying “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all” should somehow be applicable to movies, but re-worked to “if you don’t have anything to say, just don’t speak.” Or, if you don’t have a story, DON’T MAKE A MOVIE. Unfortunately, though, in Hollywood, that would mean we’d be left with maybe 10 movies a year. Sigh.

I’ll be the first to admit I was too hard on Sex and the City: The Movie. I think I was so hard on it because my expectations were so high. Being such a huge fan of the television series, I had such high hopes for the big-screen reunion of Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha, and I knew they had more to say and do since their HBO series seemed to have ended too soon, in my opinion. Having watched it now a couple of times, I see that the film is actually very true to the series and was much better than I gave it credit for. It proved wonderful closure for those of us who needed just a little more and left on a perfect note.

But money trumps all and the enormous box office tallies for Sex and the City: The Movie demanded that, even though there probably was no more tale to tell, another movie had to be produced, story or not.

And I think I speak for all Sex in the City fans when I say, Sex and the City 2, we’re just not that into you.

When you’re tired, you’re tired. And everyone in this film feels and looks exhausted. The spark is gone, the energy is gone, and everyone is trying WAY too hard. Obviously overcompensating for a lack of any storyline deeper than “marriage is hard,” Sex and the City 2 throws everything onto the canvas of the screen, hoping to distract you from the train wreck that is the script. Beginning with the absolute disaster of a “gay wedding” (can we shout it from the rooftops or be any more patronizing if we try?) that is so over-the-top I didn’t know whether to be insulted or befuddled, and moving forward through lame ‘80’s flashbacks (blink and you’ll miss them) and spending the second half of the movie in Abu Dhabi, Sex and the City 2 is all about distracting us with costumes (this time, they are so outrageous they deserve to be called costumes), glamour and glitz, desperately hoping we won’t notice the lack of any emotional connection, which had been the cornerstone of this series. Say what you want, at its core, Sex and the City was about relationships—between men and women and between friends. While the topic of Carrie and Big’s marriage ostensibly could be seen as a major plot point in this film, it is not so much about their relationship as it is about Carrie and her ego, the one relationship that really doesn’t need ANY more exploring.

One thing that was missing in the first movie that has come roaring back in the sequel is Samantha, but, unfortunately, not in a good way. The writers have decided that Samantha will never change, and that makes for a total lack of believability and relatability, despite the comic relief she provides. But, at this point in the franchise, it now just comes across as pathetic.

Most pathetic of all, however, is the empty script that leaves our characters with absolutely nothing new to say and do. While I do love spending time with them, they still need something to make it interesting. It’s like they’re playing a game where there’s nothing on the line—there are no stakes and everyone is just going through the motions. Unfortunately, the motions in Sex and the City 2 are hollow, pointless and, at times, laughable. I guess you just don’t know a good thing ‘til it’s gone. Carrie, Charlotte, Samantha and Miranda—I hate to say it, but it’s time to go.

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